Life is short.
Especially for Clover. At the most, 12 years is all she has.
So how does she make the most of her tiny tenure here on Earth? By eating, pooping and sleeping all day long. We can learn much from her.
Here are a few of the sage life lessons I’ve learned from observing the little furball:
1. It’s ok to never change your bad habits
The people who truly love you will always be there to cover your blunders and clean up the aftermath of your mistakes. If they require you to change and grow, remove them from your life. They are toxic and demanding.
2. Eating is the road to happiness
If you’ve been told anything else, you’ve been fooled. Eating is about the only thing Clover does, and she is remarkably free of depression, anxiety and stress. I suspect Clover took her philosophy directly from the Holy Scriptures (I catch her meditating – i.e. pooping – on my Bible between her 100 daily meals). 1 Corinthians 15:32 states: “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.”
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3. If you’re desperate enough, you can find love anywhere
For the affection-starved, those bunny nibbles are actually miscommunicated kisses. My desperate desire for Clover’s affection has persuaded me that her frantic struggles are not indications of dislike; rather, they are just her bunny way of reciprocating my loving gestures.
I came to this conclusion primarily out of delusion, but also because I’ve observed that in human relations, gestures of love can often be misinterpreted by the recipient. For example: you snap at someone, but only because you miss them and are hurt by their lack of attention. With that in mind, finding love is a whole lot easier. Just stop being so sensitive and lower your standards!
4. Being small and cute is the ticket to getting people to love you
Beauty is only fur deep. If you are tiny and cute on the outside, people won’t care what you are like on the inside. Time to lose weight and start saving up for plastic surgery! Should be much easier than wasting time on developing myself into a loving and interesting person.
5. Being lazy pays
Food, water and shelter just show up magically everyday if you only let go and stop worrying. Again, my fuzzy little philosopher forges her paradigm from the Bible: “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself.”
6. Bathing daily is unnecessary
Clover washes herself daily. Many humans have told me I should do so as well.
However, keep in mind that Clover also frolics in her poop and pee daily. The only time I’m covered in pee is when she kicks her filthy little paws in my face (sometimes I wonder if it’s truly an accident). I won’t draw the obvious and incriminatory parallel to the bathing-once-a-day- proponents. You can do it yourself.
7. Bribing your children is the only way to earn their affection
My bunny has taught me that your children will reject your love, no matter how much you sacrifice for them. ALWAYS.
They are ungrateful, selfish and disdain your reasonable requests for cuddles. (Oh gosh, I might have just reasoned myself out of having having kids).
Unless you bribe them with a juicy carrot, a warm meal or cheap rent.
Oh, to be a bunny!